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Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Mae West
Marriage is a mistake every man should make.
George Jessel
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Billy Connolly
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
George Bernard Shaw
Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night.
St. Jerome
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Irwin Corey
Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
Alan King
Marriage is not about age; it's about finding the right person.
Sophia Bush
Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance.
Michel de Montaigne
Marriage, like money, is still with us; and, like money, progressively devalued.
Robert Graves
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Ambrose Bierce
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".
Herbert Spencer
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
Josh Billings
Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
H. L. Mencken
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
Doug Larson
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.
Jean Rostand
Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.
Elbert Hubbard
Never get married in the morning - you never know who you might meet that night.
Paul Hornung
No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married.
Benjamin Disraeli
No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
H. L. Mencken
On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable.
Emma Goldman
One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.
Judith Viorst
One should believe in marriage as in the immortality of the soul.
Honore de Balzac
Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman.
Joseph Joubert
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Groucho Marx
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
Katharine Hepburn
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.
H. L. Mencken
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
Brendan Behan
The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.
Peter De Vries
The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
A. P. Herbert
The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.
Peter De Vries
The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
George Jessel
The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
Honore de Balzac
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle.
Heinrich Heine
When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
Helen Rowland
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Prince Philip
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
When a marriage works, nothing on earth can take its place.
Helen Gahagan
Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.
Benjamin Franklin
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?
Barbra Streisand
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
Alan King
